Tuesday, November 29, 2011

In My Previous Post. . .

I said I would buy pounds upon pounds of makeup glitter as it is the perfect form of nonviolent revenge. Let me explain.

While working at home, I’ve found myself watching way too much television and YouTube. And something I find particualry funny are the Allstate commercials. Something about that man in a suit pretending to be a raccoon or a GPS really makes me laugh.

So does Allstate cover random attacks of glitter? Say a woman breaks into her ex’s apartment for whatever reason and instead of spray painting some profanity everywhere, she gets smart and decides to cover everything in glitter.

As we all know, glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. It will NEVER EVER go away. Imagine the look on your ex’s face when they have to explain to everyone why they are covered head to toe in pink magnificent sparkling glitter!

A perfect form of nonviolent revenge!
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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Insomnia Musings

I’m thinking about casting an evil voodoo witch doctor spell on the next person who says, “Just lie down and close your eyes.” Because it’s just that easy! Now I’m considering carrying around a creepy shrunken head to repel those older men that I seem to attract. And possibly repel the strange people I seem to encounter on public transportation.

Now I’m thinking about how much money my neighbor spends on cigarettes. One time she was smoking so much, MY smoke alarm went off. Lets see. . . a pack a day, assuming each pack costs $6, is. . . $180. Holy Shit!!! That is 9 pairs of $20 shoes, 12 pairs if Payless is having a bogo sale, 36 Starbucks coffees at $5 each, The Love Lucy complete DVD box set and 3 bags of Starbucks roast coffee to say up and watch every episode, 140 songs on itunes at 1.29 each, 45 rolls of Hello Kitty duct tape, 9 handles of Sailor Jerry, 3 years worth of hair dye, 25 PF Changs frozen dinner things, 180 Cherry Chapsticks, 25 Great Lash mascaras, 360 Ring Pops from the convenience store, 51 tubes of toothpaste, 60 Venus razors, 5 reasonably priced swimsuits, a car payment on a small 4 door sedan from a bad credit car dealership, 139 boxes of Pockey Sticks, 720 gumballs, 360 tries at the claw machine, 3 $50 dresses from Modcloth plus a cute accessory, 25 pairs of panties (during a 5 for $25 sale) plus 3 bras. . .

Well you get the point. Actually no wait. . . with an extra $180 I would buy pounds upon pounds of cosmetic grade glitter. Since glitter is the herpes of craft supplies, it is the perfect form of nonviolent revenge. It’s the gift that keeps on giving! I’ll write more about that later :)

Goodnight Blogland.
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