Lunacy and Best Wishes...the chronicles of a petite hot mess

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I Sleepwalk

If you’re a regular reader, you know my trouble with sleeping is well documented. If you’re not a regular reader, well I’m pretty much nocturnal, and that’s not good when you have a day job.

But yeah I’m pretty sure I sleepwalk.

Last night I went to bed with my hair wrapped up in a scarf and I was wearing my Hello Kitty sleep shades. I woke up this morning (more tired than normal) and my hair was a mess and my Hello Kitty sleep shades were nowhere to be found.

Something even more interesting… I found peanut butter cup wrappers in my bed. WTF!? Did I mention that I woke up on my bedroom floor, in front of my heater, underneath a pile of blankets?

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this doesn’t happen again. If I’m going to go through my entire chocolate stash in a single night, I’d like to be awake for it!
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Thursday, March 1, 2012

I Answered My Own Question.

As you can see, underneath my blog posts I have a list of reactions. After my post about blogging burnout, two of you said I needed to drink more and I did just that. I pretty much spent my Friday, Saturday, and Monday nights heavily intoxicated. During my drunkenness I answered my own question about gingers having souls.

Assuming this is true, I love only having 75% of a soul. It allows me to engage in (what some would consider) questionable behavior without giving a fuck. And that is pretty awesome. The world needs more gingers!
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Monday, February 27, 2012

21st Birthday Checklist

Tips for your 21st birthday (or the legal drinking age in your country), so you can have the best night you’ll hardly remember.

-If you’re wearing a dress, wear proper underwear. Yes thongs are cute, but pictures of your exposed lady parts on the internet while you are shitfaced, not so cute. Don’t pull a Britney, a Paris, or a Lindsay. . .please wear underpants!

-Don’t wear anything strapless. It just sounds like a “girls gone wild” accident waiting to happen.

- Whether you wear high heels, wedges, ballet flats, sandals, or whatever, those shoes better have an ankle strap. This way you’ll be less likely to lose them. Trust me on this one.

-Tonight is not the night to go the most expensive restaurant and order the most expensive dish. With the large amount of alcohol you are about to consume, there is a significantly increased chance that you are going to throw up. As nice as a fancy dinner on your birthday sounds, throwing up lobster and filet mignon isn’t very nice. Go to TGI Friday’s like a normal person.

-Bring your boyfriend/husband/guy friend with you. I can almost guarantee you a creepy drunk man will somehow find out it’s your birthday, crawl out of the woodworks, and insist on “birthday spankings”. Obviously you do not want to go through a traumatizing experience like that, so having a guy with your group of friends will help out tremendously.

-You will probably drunk dial and/or text someone. Either turn off your phone, delete a few numbers of people you are prone to calling (like an ex), or be prepared to possible be confronted the next day.

-Bring a friend who is going to be not nearly as drunk as you are. A good friend will help keep those creepy bar guys away from you. A good friend will hold back your hair for you if you get sick. A good friend will make sure you do not wake up next to a stranger the next morning. Basically a good friend will look after you.

-Start drinking early. Have a mimosa at breakfast, a beer at lunch, and a glass of wine at dinner. If you are a newbie at this whole drinking thing, at the bar/club, start off slow. Try sticking with beer and mixed drinks. If you’re like me, dive straight in!

-If you have a great bartender, TIP THEM WELL!!! Especially if you plan on making the place you’re at your regular watering hole. Seriously, tip your bartender! They will remember you and they will treat you accordingly.

-Speaking of bartenders, if the bar is busy, already know what drink you are going to order. Don’t annoy them.

-Never ever say, “the next rounds’ on me!” That is a sure fire way to quickly deplete your drinking fund.

-Before bed, drink as much water as you can physically drink. This will help with your hangover the next morning. Also keep a bottle of tums and painkillers nearby.

-Don’t try to recreate any of The Hangover movies; shenanigans like that take time and practice.
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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Am I Ugly?

I’m taking a break from my drunken debauchery to talk about something disturbing. Apparently this "Am I Ugly?" thing is a huge craze on YouTube, and it just makes me really sad.

Have you ever read any YouTube comments? Even a video showing cute puppies has comments from the most negative people. It’s just sad that these young girls want to subject themselves to this. If YouTube was around when I was a preteen, I probably would’ve done the same thing. Thankfully I’ve gained a lot of self-confidence since then.

I’ve had people tell me I’m beautiful, I’ve had people tell me that I “need to get some work done” but at the end of the day I love myself and that is all that matters.

Also know that physical beauty is very subjective. A few years ago, Jessica Simpson had a TV. show called, “The Price of Beauty.” The point of the show was “"to meet women, study local fashions, dietary fads and beauty regimes," all in an attempt to explore the meaning of true beauty in different cultures” according to Wikipedia. I found this show very eye opening and it showed me that beauty in Japan is way different than beauty in Uganda, or Brazil. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person may call ugly, another will consider beautiful.

This subject also brings up the question, what is “ugly” supposed to mean anyways? To me “ugly” applies to anyone who is mean spirited and full of hate. I don’t care if you’re a Supermodel, if you have a rotten personality, I consider you “ugly”.

To all the preteens, teenagers, and even us adults, know that you are beautiful tell yourself that every day.

Instead ask yourself:

Am I smart? Funny? Witty? Confident?
Am I a good friend? Sister? Mother? Daughter?
Do I do the right thing even if no one else is watching?
Do I want to change the world and make it a better place?

So please ladies, stop with this “Am I ugly?” and “Please rate me on a scale of 1-10” bullshit. Instead listen to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, remind yourself on how awesome you are, and remember that your haters’ opinions DO NOT matter.
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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Blogging Burnout

If you couldn’t tell by my lack of posting, I’ve got a case of blogger burnout. I think it’s partly because I’ve been stressed out as of lately. And partly due to laziness-I won’t lie.

I promise though to get back into the groove of blogging and sharing my strange life with you all.
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Friday, February 17, 2012

Another Answer to Your Question

Somehow I forgot to answer this question. Sorry!

“How do you deal with mean girls you have to see every day?” -Anonymous

Before I get into how to deal with mean girls, let me give you (and all of you ladies reading this) some background info.

Women are crazy; and hormones are only partially to blame. Women oftentimes hate each other for no legitimate reason.

When someone goes as far as to be a bully, they are taking the competition to a higher level. As common psychology knowledge would tell us, a bully is a result of someone with insecurities. Maybe they don’t like you because you have perfect hair/makeup/skin/figure. Maybe it’s because you’re smarter than they are, maybe you have a better family life. It could be any reason. These mean girls are basically trying to put you down, to make themselves feel better.

A situation involving mean girls is eerily similar to the animal kingdom. The mean girls are the lions. Their prey, the zebra, is you. They (the lions and mean girls) will single out the weak member and basically rip you to shreds. Not in real life though, since cannibalism is frowned upon in many countries ;) Anyways, the key here is to not be the weakest link. The mean girls will only bother you if they know that they’re bothering you. Don’t let them get under your skin.

The main thing you need to know is that people will only bother you if you let them. Never let them see you sweat. Dealing with these types of people is all about having confidence in yourself and developing thick skin. I’m assuming you’re in junior or high school (correct me if I’m wrong), and just to let you know, it gets better. Teenagers are like demons grown in Satan’s cabbage patch. I’m not saying adults are better, but hold your head high and don’t let them bring you down.
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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Finally, Some Answers to Your Questions...

“How can I become a better writer?” –Ro

The first thing to know is that you can’t be a writer if you don’t read. I’ll read anything that interests me whether it be biographies, classic literature, poems, magazines and newspapers, romance novels, et cetera. You can learn new vocabulary words, different ways to construct sentences, and after a while recognize who an author is just by the way that they write.
My next bit of advice would be to write on a fairly regular basis. Write whatever you want to, but don’t limit yourself to one genre. Challenge yourself by writing fan fiction, poetry, or even an advanced survival manual for the Zombie Apocalypse. It doesn’t have to be perfect, in fact rough drafts never are, but just keep writing.

Learning how to become a better writer is a process that never ends. But much like everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

“How do I find my “path” in life?” –Anonymous

I’ve actually given up on finding my path, and instead letting my path find me.

A few years ago I had a clear cut vision of what I wanted my life to be. Fast forward a few years later, and life is completely different than what I had planned for myself. Now, I’m not really trying to have a 5 or 10 year plan per se, I’m just heading in whatever direction life takes me.
I think in life you need a good dose of common sense, confidence in your gut instinct, and a (metaphorical) set of balls to be able to live life to the fullest. I’ll add in a bottle of vodka since I like to party ;) Don’t focus so much on where you’re going, just enjoy the journey along the way.
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Monday, February 6, 2012

Don’t Worry I’m Not Dead…

just incredibly lazy about updating my blogs. Well besides that, incredibly stressed out with work. I’m having that all too familiar feeling we all have, the “I don’t get paid enough to put up with this bullshit!” feeling. I think it’s more than a dilemma though than a feeling. I’m actually thinking about falling back on my plan of finding a sugar daddy, participating in a medical research study, or becoming a stripper. At the moment though I don’t particularly feel like dealing with men, pretending I have depression, or learning how to walk in 6 inch clear high heels.

Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should have a root beer w/vanilla vodka before finishing my rant.

…okay I’m back, slightly buzzed, and ready to finish my rant. I’m not completely drunk though because I can still type, but obviously you’ve figured that out by now. Also, those people who asked for my advice, I’ll be answering your questions in my next post. I didn’t forget about you!

But anyways, I’d like to propose a toast to all my readers who have fucking horrible jobs! (Taking a pause to drink) I know since the economy sucks, we should be thankful that we even have employment, but when I have to Google, “how to find a sugar daddy” we have a problem. I also have a problem with the hiring lady at Forever 21 asking me if I’m a college graduate when I ask for an application. I’m not going to go to the University of Washington just so I can have the opportunity sell trendy clothes part-time to teeny boppers for minimum wage!

I know we all have to have crappy jobs when we are young. Waiting tables, babysitting, et cetera is just one of those things you have to do. I think it helps build character and it will make you appreciate the day when you (hopefully) land your dream job. Plus bad work stories make the best subjects to gripe about after a couple of drinks! But when does a crappy job cross the line into unacceptable? I don’t know the exact point right now, but subsisting on ramen noodles and handing out countless resumes is starting to look more and more appealing.

My solution to my problems: have a couple more drinks, get someone to drive me to Jack in the Box because breakfast food sounds really good right now, and take some time to think deep thoughts about my options.
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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Insomnia Musings About Ariel

Ariel has always been my favorite Disney princess. Despite barely knowing how to swim, when I was little I so desperately wanted to be a mermaid. I would watch the VHS tape over and over again. I also wondered how much fucking Manic Panic it took to get her hair to that shade. And also how in the hell did she get that shell bikini top to stay on perfectly. But watching the Little Mermaid now, I’m having some rather mixed feelings.

Ariel gave away her beautiful voice, to have a pair of legs. That’s messed up to trade whatever you have that makes you unique. I understand that by flipping your fins, you don’t get too far. But really? Doing all of this for a guy you don’t know? So legs are required for jumping, dancing and strolling along on. . .what’s that word again? oh street. Legs also require frequent shaving, feet need pedicures, and you risk an expensive addiction to shoe shopping.

So in the land of where we walk, where we run, where we stay all day in the sun, I am telling you to stay the fuck in the ocean! Don’t be a part of our world! Love that fact that you’re a mermaid instead of being upset of what you are.

Ariel, you should have had Ursula take his voice and turn him into a merman in exchange for his voice. You wouldn’t have to leave your family behind, or trade your beautiful singing voice. Add in the bonus of never having to hear your man gripe about any issues ever!

Now here comes the mixed feelings part. . . despite having the burden of having to shave your legs on a regular basis, I would totally want to be a human. Y’see in the world of Cartoon Land, that prince/sailor guy Ariel likes, I think his name is Eric or something like that, is decent looking. I have a strange thing for tall, athletic white guys with dark hair so I would totally hit that.
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Monday, January 30, 2012

Too Much Daytime T.V.

Basically, I have been watching Jerry Springer, The Jeremy Kyle Show, The Bill Cunningham Show, that new Dr. Drew show, and basically all daytime television. I really feel like giving some advice. I’ve already given a try at breakup tips. (link) Now I’d like to give a try at other subjects. So if you want to either ask a question in the comment section or drop me an e-mail. (And don’t worry I won’t use your real name.)
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