Friday, December 9, 2011

Make Your Own Damn Sandwich!

Random thought of the day: why do guys still say, “Make me a sandwich!”? At first when my guy friends would say it, I got a kick out of it. It was funny watching my friends try to act like chauvinistic pigs. But then one day my man at the time said this to me. . . and he was serious. He had 2 hands and half a brain, so why couldn’t he make his own sandwich?!

So why do guys still say this? After thinking for a while, I’ve come up with the conclusion that us ladies just don’t have a snappy comeback. Until now. . .

-Play dumb: “How? I don’t get it. What’s a sandwich?”

-Put him in his place: “I make more money than you, I’m the breadwinner, make ME a fucking sandwich! Get back in the kitchen.”

-Promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Ryan Trifecta is no longer gorgeous.” (The Ryan Trifecta consists of Gosling, Reynolds, and Phillippe.)

-Speaking of Ryan Gosling: “I’ll make you a sandwich if you watch The Notebook with me WITHOUT complaining.”

-Bash my local sports team: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Seattle Mariners win the World Series.” (Hint: They NEVER will.)

-For the commitment-phobe: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you make me an honest woman.” (Tip: Pick up some bridal magazines, and any wedding related movie (The Wedding Singer, Runaway Bride, Mama Mia, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Bride Wars, The Proposal, License to Wed, Made of Honor, Father of the Bride, 27 Dresses, Sweet Home Alabama, The Wedding Planner, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Wedding Crashers, etc.))

-Insult his manhood: “I’ll make you a foot long when you grow a foot long.”

-Insult his manhood again: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you can give me a real orgasm.”

-And once again, promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich right now if you can name every winner of America’s Next Top Model without cheating.” (And in case you’re wondering: Adrianne, Yoanna, Eva, Naima, Nicole L, Danielle, CariDee, Jaslene, Saleisha, Whitney, McKey, Teyona, Nicole F, Krista, Ann, Brittani, and Lisa.)

So ladies, if you’re having this problem like, me I hope this helps you out. And if you have any tips of your own, please share!


Anonymous said...

These are pretty darn funny. Now I must know, did you make him a sandwich? (My man makes a mean BLT)

Rae said...

What I would usually say is
"OMG! Are you okay? When did this happen?" Usually theyre quite confused and ask, "What do you mean?" So then i say, "Well, your hands MUST be broken, right? Why else would you ask me such a stupid question?"

Another great one is,
Him- "Woman make me a sandwich!"
You- "MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING SANDWICH!" Usually id throw something for added dramatic effect. The guy is usually too freaked out to EVER pull that shit again.

Martyna said...

Ryan Trifecta!! Love it!

oh and this one - “I’ll make you a sandwich when you make me an honest woman.” - I would love to see the guy's reaction to that haha ;D

Gigi said...

rubysongbird, I actually made myself a sandwich and then he stole it when I wasn't looking! So technically I never made him a sandwhich lol

Girl from Norway said...

Oh, that's kind of what I did. When my boyfriend asked me to make him a sandwich, I made my own ham and cheese sandwich, sat down and eat it in front of him.
You should have seen his face... Priceless!
I guess I made my point pretty clear; he hasn't asked for a sandwich since (and this was 3 years ago).

Btw. I must say I love your blog! Keep up your good work.

Tannis said...

So this is the first time I've read your blog. You are hilarious and you can now count me as an official reader because I'll be back :]

Gigi said...

Aww, thank you! I'm glad you like my blog :)

Anonymous said...

Forever loving your blog! OMG. JUST SAYING. <3

Anonymous said...

I really like this post. It annoys me when men are acting like that. I would just go with the simpel:"Make your own sandwich" :)

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