21st Birthday Checklist

Tips for your 21st birthday (or the legal drinking age in your country), so you can have the best night you’ll hardly remember.

-If you’re wearing a dress, wear proper underwear. Yes thongs are cute, but pictures of your exposed lady parts on the internet while you are shitfaced, not so cute. Don’t pull a Britney, a Paris, or a Lindsay. . .please wear underpants!

-Don’t wear anything strapless. It just sounds like a “girls gone wild” accident waiting to happen.

- Whether you wear high heels, wedges, ballet flats, sandals, or whatever, those shoes better have an ankle strap. This way you’ll be less likely to lose them. Trust me on this one.

-Tonight is not the night to go the most expensive restaurant and order the most expensive dish. With the large amount of alcohol you are about to consume, there is a significantly increased chance that you are going to throw up. As nice as a fancy dinner on your birthday sounds, throwing up lobster and filet mignon isn’t very nice. Go to TGI Friday’s like a normal person.

-Bring your boyfriend/husband/guy friend with you. I can almost guarantee you a creepy drunk man will somehow find out it’s your birthday, crawl out of the woodworks, and insist on “birthday spankings”. Obviously you do not want to go through a traumatizing experience like that, so having a guy with your group of friends will help out tremendously.

-You will probably drunk dial and/or text someone. Either turn off your phone, delete a few numbers of people you are prone to calling (like an ex), or be prepared to possible be confronted the next day.

-Bring a friend who is going to be not nearly as drunk as you are. A good friend will help keep those creepy bar guys away from you. A good friend will hold back your hair for you if you get sick. A good friend will make sure you do not wake up next to a stranger the next morning. Basically a good friend will look after you.

-Start drinking early. Have a mimosa at breakfast, a beer at lunch, and a glass of wine at dinner. If you are a newbie at this whole drinking thing, at the bar/club, start off slow. Try sticking with beer and mixed drinks. If you’re like me, dive straight in!

-If you have a great bartender, TIP THEM WELL!!! Especially if you plan on making the place you’re at your regular watering hole. Seriously, tip your bartender! They will remember you and they will treat you accordingly.

-Speaking of bartenders, if the bar is busy, already know what drink you are going to order. Don’t annoy them.

-Never ever say, “the next rounds’ on me!” That is a sure fire way to quickly deplete your drinking fund.

-Before bed, drink as much water as you can physically drink. This will help with your hangover the next morning. Also keep a bottle of tums and painkillers nearby.

-Don’t try to recreate any of The Hangover movies; shenanigans like that take time and practice.

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Am I Ugly?

I’m taking a break from my drunken debauchery to talk about something disturbing. Apparently this "Am I Ugly?" thing is a huge craze on YouTube, and it just makes me really sad.

Have you ever read any YouTube comments? Even a video showing cute puppies has comments from the most negative people. It’s just sad that these young girls want to subject themselves to this. If YouTube was around when I was a preteen, I probably would’ve done the same thing. Thankfully I’ve gained a lot of self-confidence since then.

I’ve had people tell me I’m beautiful, I’ve had people tell me that I “need to get some work done” but at the end of the day I love myself and that is all that matters.

Also know that physical beauty is very subjective. A few years ago, Jessica Simpson had a TV. show called, “The Price of Beauty.” The point of the show was “"to meet women, study local fashions, dietary fads and beauty regimes," all in an attempt to explore the meaning of true beauty in different cultures” according to Wikipedia. I found this show very eye opening and it showed me that beauty in Japan is way different than beauty in Uganda, or Brazil. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person may call ugly, another will consider beautiful.

This subject also brings up the question, what is “ugly” supposed to mean anyways? To me “ugly” applies to anyone who is mean spirited and full of hate. I don’t care if you’re a Supermodel, if you have a rotten personality, I consider you “ugly”.

To all the preteens, teenagers, and even us adults, know that you are beautiful tell yourself that every day.

Instead ask yourself:

Am I smart? Funny? Witty? Confident?
Am I a good friend? Sister? Mother? Daughter?
Do I do the right thing even if no one else is watching?
Do I want to change the world and make it a better place?

So please ladies, stop with this “Am I ugly?” and “Please rate me on a scale of 1-10” bullshit. Instead listen to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, remind yourself on how awesome you are, and remember that your haters’ opinions DO NOT matter.

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Another Answer to Your Question

Somehow I forgot to answer this question. Sorry!

“How do you deal with mean girls you have to see every day?” -Anonymous

Before I get into how to deal with mean girls, let me give you (and all of you ladies reading this) some background info.

Women are crazy; and hormones are only partially to blame. Women oftentimes hate each other for no legitimate reason.

When someone goes as far as to be a bully, they are taking the competition to a higher level. As common psychology knowledge would tell us, a bully is a result of someone with insecurities. Maybe they don’t like you because you have perfect hair/makeup/skin/figure. Maybe it’s because you’re smarter than they are, maybe you have a better family life. It could be any reason. These mean girls are basically trying to put you down, to make themselves feel better.

A situation involving mean girls is eerily similar to the animal kingdom. The mean girls are the lions. Their prey, the zebra, is you. They (the lions and mean girls) will single out the weak member and basically rip you to shreds. Not in real life though, since cannibalism is frowned upon in many countries ;) Anyways, the key here is to not be the weakest link. The mean girls will only bother you if they know that they’re bothering you. Don’t let them get under your skin.

The main thing you need to know is that people will only bother you if you let them. Never let them see you sweat. Dealing with these types of people is all about having confidence in yourself and developing thick skin. I’m assuming you’re in junior or high school (correct me if I’m wrong), and just to let you know, it gets better. Teenagers are like demons grown in Satan’s cabbage patch. I’m not saying adults are better, but hold your head high and don’t let them bring you down.

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Finally, Some Answers to Your Questions...

“How can I become a better writer?” –Ro

The first thing to know is that you can’t be a writer if you don’t read. I’ll read anything that interests me whether it be biographies, classic literature, poems, magazines and newspapers, romance novels, et cetera. You can learn new vocabulary words, different ways to construct sentences, and after a while recognize who an author is just by the way that they write.
My next bit of advice would be to write on a fairly regular basis. Write whatever you want to, but don’t limit yourself to one genre. Challenge yourself by writing fan fiction, poetry, or even an advanced survival manual for the Zombie Apocalypse. It doesn’t have to be perfect, in fact rough drafts never are, but just keep writing.

Learning how to become a better writer is a process that never ends. But much like everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

“How do I find my “path” in life?” –Anonymous

I’ve actually given up on finding my path, and instead letting my path find me.

A few years ago I had a clear cut vision of what I wanted my life to be. Fast forward a few years later, and life is completely different than what I had planned for myself. Now, I’m not really trying to have a 5 or 10 year plan per se, I’m just heading in whatever direction life takes me.
I think in life you need a good dose of common sense, confidence in your gut instinct, and a (metaphorical) set of balls to be able to live life to the fullest. I’ll add in a bottle of vodka since I like to party ;) Don’t focus so much on where you’re going, just enjoy the journey along the way.

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Too Much Daytime T.V.

Basically, I have been watching Jerry Springer, The Jeremy Kyle Show, The Bill Cunningham Show, that new Dr. Drew show, and basically all daytime television. I really feel like giving some advice. I’ve already given a try at breakup tips. (link) Now I’d like to give a try at other subjects. So if you want to either ask a question in the comment section or drop me an e-mail. (And don’t worry I won’t use your real name.)

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Help My Friends!

Do you have any other suggestions?

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A Beauty Article for You

It’s probably kind of weird clicking onto my blog from a beauty website, and I have yet to post anything beauty related! Well here it goes. . .

I received an e-mail from someone asking advice about how to prevent razor burn. This used to be a big problem for me so I’ve got just the answer for you.

My cure for razor burn came from the most unlikely, yet absolutely perfect sources. . . Their names were Barbie and Mercedes. . . exotic dancers paying their way through college.

1. Exfoliate. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy dancy. I just use apricot scrub and a washcloth.

2. Barbie said, “Don’t use shaving cream, use hair conditioner.” I thought this was weird, but it actually works better. Again, I don’t use anything expensive; just the cheapest brand at the grocery store.

3. Use a new(ish) razor and shave in the direction of the hair growth, then against the hair growth, then from side to side. Also it’s important to take your time.

4. After you get out of the shower, use unscented lotion that is made for sensitive skin on your legs. For underarms and your bikini area, Barbie said that deodorant works the best. Yeah I thought that was weird too, using deodorant your nether regions, but apparently this is a common trick among strippers that they swear by.

If you still have razor burn, Bikini Zone cream was recommended by Mercedes. In extreme cases, although it burns like a motherfucker, Mercedes also recommends rubbing alcohol mixed with water in a spray bottle. I personally have never tried this, but I figure it’s worth a try.


So I thought being dragged out to the titty bar would be a horrible experience, but in reality, it wasn’t that bad. I actually got some wonderful hair, makeup, and skincare tips. I also find it ironic that out of the group of guys I was with, I got all the attention ;) It still makes me chuckle.

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Make Your Own Damn Sandwich!

Random thought of the day: why do guys still say, “Make me a sandwich!”? At first when my guy friends would say it, I got a kick out of it. It was funny watching my friends try to act like chauvinistic pigs. But then one day my man at the time said this to me. . . and he was serious. He had 2 hands and half a brain, so why couldn’t he make his own sandwich?!

So why do guys still say this? After thinking for a while, I’ve come up with the conclusion that us ladies just don’t have a snappy comeback. Until now. . .

-Play dumb: “How? I don’t get it. What’s a sandwich?”

-Put him in his place: “I make more money than you, I’m the breadwinner, make ME a fucking sandwich! Get back in the kitchen.”

-Promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Ryan Trifecta is no longer gorgeous.” (The Ryan Trifecta consists of Gosling, Reynolds, and Phillippe.)

-Speaking of Ryan Gosling: “I’ll make you a sandwich if you watch The Notebook with me WITHOUT complaining.”

-Bash my local sports team: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Seattle Mariners win the World Series.” (Hint: They NEVER will.)

-For the commitment-phobe: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you make me an honest woman.” (Tip: Pick up some bridal magazines, and any wedding related movie (The Wedding Singer, Runaway Bride, Mama Mia, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Bride Wars, The Proposal, License to Wed, Made of Honor, Father of the Bride, 27 Dresses, Sweet Home Alabama, The Wedding Planner, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Wedding Crashers, etc.))

-Insult his manhood: “I’ll make you a foot long when you grow a foot long.”

-Insult his manhood again: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you can give me a real orgasm.”

-And once again, promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich right now if you can name every winner of America’s Next Top Model without cheating.” (And in case you’re wondering: Adrianne, Yoanna, Eva, Naima, Nicole L, Danielle, CariDee, Jaslene, Saleisha, Whitney, McKey, Teyona, Nicole F, Krista, Ann, Brittani, and Lisa.)

So ladies, if you’re having this problem like, me I hope this helps you out. And if you have any tips of your own, please share!

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I Believe in Unicorns, Fairies, Good Men, and Other Fantasy Creatures.

My advice for coping with a breakup:

1. Take some time to cry. Not during happy hour or at work! Go home, grab yourself some tissues and just get it out of your system.

2. DON’T: call, text, e-mail, instant message, write on his Facebook wall, tell someone to talk to him for you, put a message inside a bottle and throw it into the ocean, use a carrier pigeon, or contact him in any way, shape, or form.

3. Put on your comfy sweat pants, take out a gallon of ice cream, and commence the best movie marathon EVER!

4. Look up videos of cute puppies and kittens on YouTube. Trust me it works!

5. Trash talk over margaritas with your girlfriends.

6. Buy yourself those stilettos you’ve been wanting for forever but never bought them because you didn’t want to be taller than him.

7. Thank yourself for having enough common sense not to get his name tattooed on you. And use that common sense when you visit the beauty salon for your mandatory post-breakup makeover. Highlights are okay… shaving your head Britney Spears style, NOT OKAY!

8. Shamelessly flirt with that coffee shop guy/bartender/random guy in the grocery store just because you can.

9. Delete all the pictures of you together and take some sexy pics just for yourself. Also, burn all those actual pictures you have together, along with anything else that he left. If luck is on your side, some sexy firefighters might show up.

10. Buy YOURSELF some diamond jewelry.

11. Do that one thing you’ve always wanted to try but never had the guts to.

12. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. . .flaws and all.

13. Take time to get to know yourself as a person. Take a class, travel the world, or whatever floats your boat. Who are you? What do you stand for? Don’t let a man define who you are.

14. Avoid any retaliation that could land you in jail. I’ve watched enough Discovery Channel tell that jail is not a fun place to be.

15. Laugh at snarky breakup quotes that make your day just that much better.

“I still miss my ex, but it's more fun watching him duck and run!”
“I ran into my EX the other day, so I put the car in reverse and hit him again.”
“Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma?”
“My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil”
“I got the ring, he got the finger.”
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing he said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t like you, why would I want someone like you."
"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs." ~ Miss Piggy

16. Don’t hold on to the assumption that you might get back together in the future. It’s time to move on honey!

17. Know that there are millions of eligible men out there in the world. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE NEW!

18. For the love of God DO NOT go to any engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings or similar function (especially if there is an open bar).

19. Tell your ex the truth about how many orgasms you faked.

20. And finally, pat yourself on the back for having a relationship that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s 72 day publicity stunt. . . I mean marriage.

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