Dear Unemployment,

I’m so delighted you’re gone I can hardly describe the feeling. You were like the annoying obnoxious friend that asks to sleep on your couch for a few days and ends up staying for months. You really overstayed your welcome Unemployment. I will not have fond memories of taking the bus to scour the city for jobs and feeling like a loser when I came home empty handed.

You left at the perfect time too. I was seriously considering my backup options of either participating in a clinical research study or becoming a stripper. I would prefer a Sugar Daddy, but my searching has proved unsuccessful.

In the meantime I will no longer have to subsist off of Ramen noodles :) And maybe, just maybe, I can have this mythical thing called a savings account.

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Dear Unemployment,

You are something I am way too familar wth, like the sticky note in the bathroom tht reminds me I need to shave the back of my legs.

I fill out repetitive applications and still you don't reply. Day after day I edit my resume and watch bad reruns of the Tyra Banks' Show. As you can tell, my sanity is frail.

I'm not asking for much. Hand me a spatula, I'll flip burgers. I'm getting desperate here. I'm a Capricorn so you know I have a love of money!

I do have a confession though. . . I'm considering participating in a medical research study. . . or becoming a stripper (which ever is the shorter drive). The money would be decent and the pills would be abundant. Or maybe I could find a sugar daddy! I seem to attract older men.

I will forever have fond memories of being too poor for $1 Bud Light drafts and eaing ramen noodles every night. But in all honesty, I hope you go the fuck away and never come back.

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