I Answered My Own Question.

As you can see, underneath my blog posts I have a list of reactions. After my post about blogging burnout, two of you said I needed to drink more and I did just that. I pretty much spent my Friday, Saturday, and Monday nights heavily intoxicated. During my drunkenness I answered my own question about gingers having souls.

Assuming this is true, I love only having 75% of a soul. It allows me to engage in (what some would consider) questionable behavior without giving a fuck. And that is pretty awesome. The world needs more gingers!

Read More

21st Birthday Checklist

Tips for your 21st birthday (or the legal drinking age in your country), so you can have the best night you’ll hardly remember.

-If you’re wearing a dress, wear proper underwear. Yes thongs are cute, but pictures of your exposed lady parts on the internet while you are shitfaced, not so cute. Don’t pull a Britney, a Paris, or a Lindsay. . .please wear underpants!

-Don’t wear anything strapless. It just sounds like a “girls gone wild” accident waiting to happen.

- Whether you wear high heels, wedges, ballet flats, sandals, or whatever, those shoes better have an ankle strap. This way you’ll be less likely to lose them. Trust me on this one.

-Tonight is not the night to go the most expensive restaurant and order the most expensive dish. With the large amount of alcohol you are about to consume, there is a significantly increased chance that you are going to throw up. As nice as a fancy dinner on your birthday sounds, throwing up lobster and filet mignon isn’t very nice. Go to TGI Friday’s like a normal person.

-Bring your boyfriend/husband/guy friend with you. I can almost guarantee you a creepy drunk man will somehow find out it’s your birthday, crawl out of the woodworks, and insist on “birthday spankings”. Obviously you do not want to go through a traumatizing experience like that, so having a guy with your group of friends will help out tremendously.

-You will probably drunk dial and/or text someone. Either turn off your phone, delete a few numbers of people you are prone to calling (like an ex), or be prepared to possible be confronted the next day.

-Bring a friend who is going to be not nearly as drunk as you are. A good friend will help keep those creepy bar guys away from you. A good friend will hold back your hair for you if you get sick. A good friend will make sure you do not wake up next to a stranger the next morning. Basically a good friend will look after you.

-Start drinking early. Have a mimosa at breakfast, a beer at lunch, and a glass of wine at dinner. If you are a newbie at this whole drinking thing, at the bar/club, start off slow. Try sticking with beer and mixed drinks. If you’re like me, dive straight in!

-If you have a great bartender, TIP THEM WELL!!! Especially if you plan on making the place you’re at your regular watering hole. Seriously, tip your bartender! They will remember you and they will treat you accordingly.

-Speaking of bartenders, if the bar is busy, already know what drink you are going to order. Don’t annoy them.

-Never ever say, “the next rounds’ on me!” That is a sure fire way to quickly deplete your drinking fund.

-Before bed, drink as much water as you can physically drink. This will help with your hangover the next morning. Also keep a bottle of tums and painkillers nearby.

-Don’t try to recreate any of The Hangover movies; shenanigans like that take time and practice.

Read More

Don’t Worry I’m Not Dead…

just incredibly lazy about updating my blogs. Well besides that, incredibly stressed out with work. I’m having that all too familiar feeling we all have, the “I don’t get paid enough to put up with this bullshit!” feeling. I think it’s more than a dilemma though than a feeling. I’m actually thinking about falling back on my plan of finding a sugar daddy, participating in a medical research study, or becoming a stripper. At the moment though I don’t particularly feel like dealing with men, pretending I have depression, or learning how to walk in 6 inch clear high heels.

Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should have a root beer w/vanilla vodka before finishing my rant.

…okay I’m back, slightly buzzed, and ready to finish my rant. I’m not completely drunk though because I can still type, but obviously you’ve figured that out by now. Also, those people who asked for my advice, I’ll be answering your questions in my next post. I didn’t forget about you!

But anyways, I’d like to propose a toast to all my readers who have fucking horrible jobs! (Taking a pause to drink) I know since the economy sucks, we should be thankful that we even have employment, but when I have to Google, “how to find a sugar daddy” we have a problem. I also have a problem with the hiring lady at Forever 21 asking me if I’m a college graduate when I ask for an application. I’m not going to go to the University of Washington just so I can have the opportunity sell trendy clothes part-time to teeny boppers for minimum wage!

I know we all have to have crappy jobs when we are young. Waiting tables, babysitting, et cetera is just one of those things you have to do. I think it helps build character and it will make you appreciate the day when you (hopefully) land your dream job. Plus bad work stories make the best subjects to gripe about after a couple of drinks! But when does a crappy job cross the line into unacceptable? I don’t know the exact point right now, but subsisting on ramen noodles and handing out countless resumes is starting to look more and more appealing.

My solution to my problems: have a couple more drinks, get someone to drive me to Jack in the Box because breakfast food sounds really good right now, and take some time to think deep thoughts about my options.

Read More

Insomnia Musings About Ariel

Ariel has always been my favorite Disney princess. Despite barely knowing how to swim, when I was little I so desperately wanted to be a mermaid. I would watch the VHS tape over and over again. I also wondered how much fucking Manic Panic it took to get her hair to that shade. And also how in the hell did she get that shell bikini top to stay on perfectly. But watching the Little Mermaid now, I’m having some rather mixed feelings.

Ariel gave away her beautiful voice, to have a pair of legs. That’s messed up to trade whatever you have that makes you unique. I understand that by flipping your fins, you don’t get too far. But really? Doing all of this for a guy you don’t know? So legs are required for jumping, dancing and strolling along on. . .what’s that word again? oh street. Legs also require frequent shaving, feet need pedicures, and you risk an expensive addiction to shoe shopping.

So in the land of where we walk, where we run, where we stay all day in the sun, I am telling you to stay the fuck in the ocean! Don’t be a part of our world! Love that fact that you’re a mermaid instead of being upset of what you are.

Ariel, you should have had Ursula take his voice and turn him into a merman in exchange for his voice. You wouldn’t have to leave your family behind, or trade your beautiful singing voice. Add in the bonus of never having to hear your man gripe about any issues ever!

Now here comes the mixed feelings part. . . despite having the burden of having to shave your legs on a regular basis, I would totally want to be a human. Y’see in the world of Cartoon Land, that prince/sailor guy Ariel likes, I think his name is Eric or something like that, is decent looking. I have a strange thing for tall, athletic white guys with dark hair so I would totally hit that.

Read More

Dear Random Bar Guys,

You’re an interesting bunch of people to say the least. I know it’s not fair to judge you because of a few bad apples, but for the sake of my letter and sanity, I will.

But really, you are an interesting bunch of people. I already had to write a PSA regarding your strange behavior, and now…well you’ve really hit an all-time low.

I’m not sure who taught you how to talk to women, but whoever did should be shot with a high caliber machine gun until they resemble Swiss cheese. Whatever happened to: “Hi. What’s your name? I’m...Nice to meet you!” Then followed by regular small talk. ?????????????? Only a fraction of you did this! What the fuck?!?!

Here are my favorite lines of the night from the lagoon creatures I encountered:

“Hey, yo, light skinned girl…” Does my skin color really matter?

“If I was your boyfriend I’d never let you out the house looking as hot as you do.” Wow! That is insanely creepy.

“Hey Jenna or whatever your name is, can I get your number?” No, and my name is not Jenna, it’s Gina or Gigi. Not that you really care.

“You dance really good for an anorexic looking girl.” Thanks for that back handed compliment asshole. And it’s called a fast metabolism.

“Fine then, I don’t need your number anyways! Why don’t you and your mosquito bites go to the bar and get drunk!” Uh why do you think I’m at the bar in the first place? And “mosquito bites”?, I wrote a whole public service announcement about this.

“What you don’t date gangstas/brothas/(racial slur)?” I don’t creepy guys. And although I’m light skinned, I’m actually mixed, so don’t play the race card with me.

“You’re pretty hot…for an emo girl.” Another lame attempt at a backhanded compliment… I’m confused as well since I don’t even look emo.

“If I got you drunk enough, I bet you’d go home with me.” This was my favorite line from the night. I could write an entire post about this sentence alone it was so awful. There is no amount of alcohol in the world that would have gotten me to go home with you.

I’m almost at a loss of words because of this strange behavior. The fact that multiple guys said this bullshit makes me lose faith in the male species. I believe that everyone has a soul mate, but did mine get hit by a bus or something?!

Your behavior needs to change guys.

Sincerely,
One Pissed Off Woman

Read More

WANTED: A Good Drinking Buddy

Can you drink like a fish?

Can you drink like a fish without profusely vomiting? I understand it happens once in a great while, usually on a tequila bender, but I DO NOT want to be holding back your hair every time.

Have you ever drunk dialed your ex to tell them that you want them back recently? If you answered yes, you need not apply. If you have called your ex to tell them how much of a loser they are, well then that is perfectly okay.

Can you tell the difference between well and premium liquor?
Do you know it is NEVER okay to order a Mikes Hard Lemonade unless you are using it as a chaser to real alcohol or to maintain your current level of drunkenness?

Are you strangely drawn to biker bars? Do you watch too much Sons of Anarchy, or have a preference for guys with facial hair who wear leather chaps? That’s okay. I much prefer dive bars myself. There is a significantly lesser chance of running into a Metrosexual Douchebag. Y’ know the meathead who wears half a pound of hair gel, a pooka shell necklace, and a t-shirt a couple sizes too small to show off his biceps covered with tribal tattoos? He talks about how much money he has and about the nice car he drives. Listen Douchebag, I don’t care if you have a BMW. . . from 1994! I would say that this guy has the personality of Tucker Max, but that would be insulting to Tucker. Metro Douchebag also boasts about how he could have any girl he wanted in the building, but you are the LUCKY one. What a load of bullshit.

Anyways, after a long night, would you put out a cup of ice water, a wet washcloth, a garbage can, and a bottle of Tums and some Tylenol for me? Would you make sure I didn’t pass out wearing my shoes. . .or with some random bar guy? Because I would do the same for you.

Read More

About Me

Well I let you ladies (I’m assuming most of you are ladies) decide what my next post should be, and you chose yours truly. This is also a perfect chance to introduce myself to visitors from Beauty By Krystal.

How old are you? I am going to turn 22 on January 3rd.

What do you do? I work as a caregiver, and I’m an accounting student, although I’m considering going to cosmetology school.

What do you do in your spare time? I read, write, watch TV, Google random beauty topics and videos on YouTube, and any random hobby that catches my interest.

Have you really made a Café Mocha Vodka Valium Latte? Not yet.

What was the last beauty item you purchased? Some Ardell “Holiday Cheers” lashes. They’re really long and covered in rhinestone sparkles. I have no idea where I will ever wear these, but they were 50% off, so I couldn’t resist.

Have you accomplished any of your Beauty Resolutions? Slowly but surely I’m working on it! I’ve already found my signature scent! Read the full article here. . . http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/12/beauty-resolutions/


Why does your blog only have one beauty related article? I started this blog just to chronicle my petite hot mess self. It’s kind of like an online diary where I can talk about my crazy thoughts and hopefully entertain some of you. While I love anything hair, makeup and skincare related, I don’t want to feel trapped into one particular blog niche.

Are you really planning for the Zombie Apocalypse? Hell yeah I am! I think everyone has their own feeling about the end of the world, and I choose zombies. Even with all the planning in the world though, I still don’t think I’m ready!

What is the meaning behind “Lunacy and Best Wishes?” I wish I had a good answer for you! After a couple of shots, I let the vodka tell me what it wanted!

Thank you everyone for your e-mails! Any more questions, feel free to ask me. If you’re visiting from another blog, have a look around and comment/share/whatever!

Read More

Happy Holidays!

I’ve been relaxing this holiday season and I hope you are doing the same. By “relaxing”, I mean drinking lots of hot chocolate with Baileys and hazelnut liquor. I’m trying to get into the swing of blogging again but I have been “relaxing” quite a bit!

If anyone has any requests or random questions to ask, feel free to drop me an e mail at lunacyandbestwishes@yahoo.com

Read More

World War Z

I’m pretty convinced that, hopefully not in my lifetime, the Zombie Apocalypse will happen. I’ve studied The Zombie Survival Guide to know how to survive. I’ve also read World War Z and know the devastating physical, emotional, and environmental effects of said war. (I also wrote a badass English essay about those effects as well!)

Without Max Brooks’ words of wisdom and common sense, I would be hopeless.

But anyways back to my random thought of the day. . .I live on a ground floor apartment, if Resident Evil: Real Life should occur, I would be a goner.

In every room of my apartment, with the exception of one bathroom, there is a window. How in the hell am I supposed to defend myself?! I can’t have zombies climbing down into my bedroom window while another swarm of the undead breaks through my sliding glass door in the living room. I could barricade myself in, but since zombies have unlimited stamina, it would only be a matter of time before the undead would feast upon my slightly alcoholic flesh.

In my studies of the Zombie Apocalypse, it is critical to have a plan b, and plan c, and et cetera. My newest plan is to keep watching the news keeping an ear out for the keywords like, “cannibalism” or anything, “highly contagious”. Hopefully I will have a head start and make my way to the nearest marina. From there I shall find a sailboat and prepare for the incoming war.

Is my planning for a ridiculous, hypothetical event absolutely crazy? Yes indeed it is. But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

Read More

I Should Have A PhD in Procrastination

I definitely feel like a hot mess today. I’m buried by a mountain of math homework (my least favorite subject) and have somehow found myself lost on the internet.

I blame this picture for my wondering mind. . .

Why am I thinking about ordering a Café-Mocha-Vodka-Valium-Latte?! Would vodka actually work or should I use Bailey’s instead? Can I have caramel too? Will Valium affect the taste? Will this combination make the indie music (that I pretend to not like) inside the local coffee shop tolerable? What is the apprioate alcohol to Valium ratio? Can I grind up the Valium and sprinkle it on top like powdered sugar? How much will this cost? I can’t be like those “coffee addicts” who drops $300 a month on coffee (And yes I’ve met plenty of Seattle women who do this). And most importantly, how much can I drink before a hospital trip is needed? I have no insurance of any kind, so that would be bad.

The next thing I know, I’m praying to Vodka. Are you there Vodka? It’s me Gigi. How come you listen to Chelsea Handler and ignore me? She got a deal with Velvedere that is not fair! All I want is a job at the local liquor store so I can sell your sweet, wonderful, delicious nectar so others can bask in your goodness. If you don’t answer soon, I’ll have to switch to Scotch. Don’t think I won’t do it! I’ll drink it in the most obnoxious manner too, a la Ron Burgandy. I love Scotch, Scotchy Scotch Scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly mmm mmm mmm.

Now I’m flipping between watching beauty tutorials on YouTube, writing about this blog, and wondering what the hell is on television tonight.

So much for being a productive member of society. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow :D

Read More